Don't believe the hype.

Before departing for China, I had an array of concerns and assumptions about my experience to be. Will I be able to breathe? Do babies come out of the womb clutching a pack of cigarettes? Will I be able to walk down the street without being repeatedly spat upon? Are the Chinese familiar with the concept of waiting in line?

Ive now been in China for just over a month, during which time, Ive had a crash course in Chinese culture and customs, providing me with some initial reactions to my preconceived curiosities. What follows is a variety of experiences and observations that have shaped the foundation of my opinion about those questions.

Also, to cleanse your literary palette, Ive interspersed these little Chinese nuggets with some of the entertaining English phrases that keep popping up on clothing everywhere.

*****

Blue skies have been few and far between in my experience thus far, and by few, I literally mean 2 days. This reality led to me being particularly amused by one of my high school student’s response to the question, “What are your favorite activities?” Among other things, she enjoys “looking at the clear blue sky”. The hue of the heavens navigates strictly on a gray scale, which paints a not so pretty picture when combined with the overwhelming humidity.

The air quality compounds my feeling of being on another planet, like I’m in some kind of black and white amphibious, industrial wonderland where the atmosphere is composed of a milky, grey, gelatinous soup, which you can literally feel yourself moving through. Still, somehow the air isn’t as bad as I had actually anticipated, and for a city of its size in China, Huzhou does have relatively clean air. Things could always be worse; for example, my fate could have led me to be located in Beijing. Supposedly, one day of walking and breathing in the capital is equivalent to smoking 70 cigarettes, which leads me to my next topic.

HAVE
A NIKE
DAY!

Fortunately, Chinese babies do not smoke cigarettes, and neither do most young people. There is actually an age requirement to buy them, which is strictly enforced, or maybe Chinese D.A.R.E. has been on a successful crusade to prevent teenage smoking. Lighting up is still much more prevalent here than in the States, but my over exaggerated expectations haven't even been met halfway. The most noteworthy characteristic of smoking in China are the places where it takes place, which is in every imaginable location. This attitude extends far beyond restaurants and bars, and into the uncharted territory of teachers offices, hospitals, and beyond.
I was contemplating joining a gym for the sole purpose of having a place to run where I could breathe freely and deeply without feeling like I'm inside of a coal mine. This pipe dream quickly evaporated when I found out that Chinese men, from time to time, have been known to enjoy a smoke, in the process of running on the treadmill! I guess life is all about balance. For those Chinese folks over the legal age of 18, there are several key attributes which may be utilized to identify smoking potentiality; if you are a male, over 30, or a construction worker. If you, like most construction workers in China, are a male over 30, you will likely have a cigarette permanently dangling from your lower lip like an extra appendage.

IT'S MY SELF
CAMERA
LOVE

The reality of smoking in China is similar to my interpretation of spitting. Its prevalence has been ludicrously less than I imagined, but its location of occurrence has been it's distinguishing feature. I came in with an irrational fear that I would awaken everyday to the sound of phlegm being cultivated in the throat like an urban rooster’s crow. In reality, my natural alarm clock has been the stampeding of small children, racing towards their congee breakfast (rice porridge). Just as with smoking, I wonder if my arrival came on the heels of a massive countrywide campaign to cut down on the excessive oral removal of the previous day's cigarette remnants.

Among a host of other spitting experiences, the prototype thus far occurred at the Huzhou Police Station, which is where I went to get my residence permit, in case you were wondering. Immediately after turning down the hallway from the main lobby, a senior looking officer emerged from a side room. Before his black boots crossed the threshold of the doorway, a deep, primal sound which I will attempt to transcribe as, HHHUUGGKKT!, emanated from his core, followed by the the transportation of the contents of his mouth onto the tiles of the hallway floor. He casually marched right by me, and in a rare China moment, didn't even do a double take as I walked by.

SUCH A
CRAZY
IDEA!

I have realized an overall pattern, seeping into every aspect of life in China, which relates to a perceived lack of courtesy or patience to the untrained eye. This perception is a simple case of cultural misunderstanding. Chinese people are not intentionally rude or impatient, they just have an unspoken agreement as to how to pursue their desired object or physical space. This rule applies to entering a busy intersection as a driver or a pedestrian. It applies to getting on the bus, boarding a crowded elevator, or checking out of the grocery store.

The universal law of the land is this; whoever can make their way into an unoccupied space first, is entitled to be there. There’s no such concept as cutting someone off because if somebody has enough of a window to squeeze in front of you, then it was there for the taking. In other words, there is no courtesy barrier of personal space. Your personal space extends to the culmination of your hair follicles, then disappears at the border with international waters, where the laws of your home nation no longer apply. Keeping this rule in mind can prevent many feelings of animosity and puzzled amazement and allow you to actually get on to the bus, rather than being passed up by every Chinese person operating under the unspoken agreement.

THE
PARTY'S
OVER!